Unfrosted
Jerry Seinfeld proves that Larry David was the brains behind Seinfeld in this soggy cereal film
Melissa McCarthy, Jerry Seinfeld, and Jim Gaffigan brace for the reviews in Netflix's Unfrosted.
In 1963, Kellogg was on top of the world in the cereal game. But when their rivals, Post, announce plans to innovate the breakfast game with a fruit-stuffed pastry, Kellog goes into a panic. Kellog brand man Bob Cabana (Seinfeld) must scramble to invent a toasted pastry. Calling in the big guns, including his old partner Stan (Melissa McCarthy), Bob has weeks to develop a tart that will really…pop.
Can Bob beat Post in the breakfast pastry game? Will Kellog and Post finally bury their rivalry? Can you sit through this movie without praying for the heat death of the universe?
The fact that it took four human beings to write Unfrosted is the best argument I’ve seen for allowing AI to take over screenwriting. Allegedly a comedy, this film is a lead balloon of a premise that drags on for 90 minutes. Director (and co-writer) Jerry Seinfeld slaps the story together with little artistry and no energy. The humor doesn’t go far enough, nor are there enough gags to make it worth watching. The scenes just sort of end. Characters show up and disappear. The set design is vaguely ‘60s, but there are plenty of anachronistic objects and music used because who cares about the setting when you’re telling lame jokes?
This movie is a mess.
Unfrosted does have the potential to be a great episode of Curb Your Enthusiasm, in which Larry David basks in the fact that everyone now knows that Jerry Seinfeld is a hack and that David himself was the real brains behind the legendary sitcom. Other than that, this movie is like a generic brand cereal — a tasteless sack that disappoints adults and children alike when it’s flopped on the table. At this point, the funniest part of the movie is that it premiered during the same news cycle that saw Seinfeld complaining that the extreme left ruined comedy. It appears Seinfeld can do that on his own with this flabby, unfunny, low-effort flick.
Apart from stale jokes that feel like they’d be cut from a Zucker Brothers movie, Unfrosted has nothing to offer but a slew of increasingly confusing cameos. It’s the lowest form of humor, that relies solely on you recognizing a cultural reference or a celebrity. Each scene of the film seems to be constructed simply based on what celebrity Seinfeld could lure onto the set. Peter Dinklage as a milk mafioso might be funny if it went anywhere. But for the most part, it’s a long slew of SNL alums that weren’t busy on a Tuesday.
A few of the cameo-based jokes are mildly topical, but many of the references are hilariously dated. There’s a whole Khruschev scene with Russian jokes that must have been plucked from an unaired Johnny Carson monologue. Considering his penchant for dating teenagers, one would think Seinfeld could update his references.
A Mad Men joke in 2024? OK, Boomer…
There are a few jokes that do work — well, two. The first is casting Hugh Grant as an unhinged Thurl Ravenscroft, who both resents being Tony the Tiger and needs the work. Any humor in this is quickly stamped out because Jerry Seinfeld has never found a premise he couldn’t run into the ground. The other joke that works initially is paralleling the development of Pop-Tarts with the ‘60s Space Race. He gets exactly one good The Right Stuff joke out of it before that too is cast aside presumably for more cameos that make no sense.
But the worst part of Unfrosted might be the continued degradation of Melissa McCarthy. Talented as both a comedic and dramatic actress, McCarthy is stuck slumming it with unfunny Netflix comedies. She’s stuck here playing a Dollar Store version of Rose Marie from the Dick Van Dyke Show. She’s game for the challenge, but there’s only so much she can do to muscle through clunky dialogue and a lazy performance from Seinfeld. Here’s hoping she realizes her own worth and stops slumming for unfunny men.
There are thousands of unfunny movies in this world. So another joining the trash heap of celluloid wouldn’t be a waste. If you’re dead set on watching it, I would check the drug policies in your area because no one should see this sober.
Verdict: If this cereal flick is all you can find, skip breakfast.
Unfrosted is rated PG-13 and available on Netflix.
