M3GAN

Alexa, turn off murder mode.

“And that’s the story of how I killed your mother.”

Toy designer Gemma (Allison Williams) is a brilliant engineer. She’s obsessed with innovation and like most inventors, not too worried about the implications of her innovations. Though she’s dedicated her life to toys, Gemma isn’t really interested in children.

So it’s a bummer when Gemma’s sister and brother-in-law die, leaving Gemma in charge of 9-year-old Cady (Violet McGraw). Deeply traumatized after witnessing the death of her parents, Cady is looking for someone…anyone to make sense of what’s happened to her. What she gets is Aunt Gemma, who slides her iPad across the dinner table and tells Cady not to play with the collectible toys on the shelf while she gets some work done.

It’s not a great fit, but Gemma thinks she’s got a solution. She’s been working on a new doll, M3GAN, which is a constantly learning robot designed to take care of its charge. Gemma envisions it as the only toy a child will ever need. It will talk to your kid, play games, read stories at bedtime, monitor behavior and offer gentle corrections, and take care of all the other annoying things that make up the idea of parenting. Essentially, M3GAN is screen time for your kid that reminds them to flush the toilet.

At first, it works out great. Cady seems happy with M3GAN and Gemma isn’t bothered by her new responsibility. She also gets a promotion at work, where the company anticipates M3GAN being the must-have toy of the century. Gemma rushes into mass production.

Too bad M3GAN might be murdering people who bother Cady.

In the grand tradition of Talking Tina, Chucky, and Annabelle, M3GAN is a movie all about why you should set fire to every doll you see and douse the ashes in holy water. Released in the cinematic doldrums that is January, M3GAN is something truly rare.

First, it’s good. A January horror movie has no right to be this funny and well-thought-out. Director Gerard Johnstone takes pains to craft a film that beautifully rides the line between satiric comedy and jump-scare-laden horror. My movie buddy pointed out the film felt a bit like Robocop, taking our obsession with tech-based solutions to societal problems to satiric extremes.

And like loosing giant armed robots onto the streets, at face value, M3GAN is ridiculous. Any idiot could tell you that a talking doll that is self-learning and takes over parenting for your child is a terrible idea. But Johnstone points out that often letting a child zone out to screens is easier than dealing with behavior issues, and theorizes that M3GAN is the next logical extension of that. Basically, if you’ve ever used Bluey to shut your kids up for an hour, you’re going to feel judged by this movie.

It's also amusing that Johnstone has no qualms about showing off Gemma as a terrible mother. She’s clearly not interested in kids but feels guilty about giving custody to Cady’s older grandparents in Florida. Honestly, Cady would probably be safer with the gators than with a custodian who hands her over to a murder doll, but at least Gemma realizes her mistake eventually?

The film is also grittier than its PG-13 rating would lead you to believe. You may not want to bring little ones to this movie (there were a few piteous shrieks at our screening that belonged to kids Cady’s age). Johnstone got a surprising amount of violence past the censors with this movie.

The second element that makes this flick rare? M3GAN is a star. Looking like a lost member of the Olsen family that was raised in a haunted version of Gossip Girl, she absolutely exudes the type of mean-girl evil that one would expect from malevolent cinematic dolls. The performance is actually a blend, featuring voice work from Jenna Davis, several puppeteers, and a motion capture performance from Amie Donald. The three elements are knitted together so seamlessly that M3GAN feels tangible. Because of this, she steals every scene she’s in. Whether she’s side-eyeing Gemma at the dinner table, singing hilarious lullabies to Cady, or chasing down the world’s most evil preteen boy while galloping on all fours, there’s no denying she’s the best screen presence in the movie. Not since Chucky has a sassy evil doll won over audiences so thoroughly.

And that’s the real key to enjoying this film — M3GAN is a movie that works best with a crowd. So go to a Friday Night screening or organize a watch party when M3GAN gets to streaming because this is a movie that clearly invites audience participation. Don’t believe me? Even the press card was interactive.

Easily the best movie of 2023 so far, and the best January release I can remember in ages, M3GAN is exactly what a horror comedy should be. It’s got plenty of absurdist laughs like Happy Death Day and some good tension based solely on how creepy that doll is. I don’t think Johnstone goes far enough with his idea to make this film perfect, either he or the studio pulled M3GAN back from the ending that it should have had. Still, you’re not going to find a more entertaining murder-doll movie this year.

Verdict: Sublimely ridiculous in all the right ways, M3GAN is worth a trip to the theater.

M3GAN is rated PG-13 and available in theaters January 6.