Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 3
James Gunn’s final Marvel mixtape is a bummer.
Cosmos the dog is a good girl and one of the best parts of James Gunn's final Marvel Studios venture.
After the events in Endgame, and kidnapping Kevin Bacon for Christmas, Peter Quill (Chris Pratt) still hasn’t dealt with his trauma. He was kidnapped by aliens right after his mom died and spent his childhood learning how to be a criminal. His biological and adoptive fathers are both dead. He lost the love of his life, Gamora (Zoe Saldaña), only to have her brought back in the form of an alternate-universe version that wants nothing to do with him.
Understandably, he spends most of his days drunk.
That’s why Pete's caught off guard when superpowered Adam Warlock (Will Poulter) crashes into his team’s home looking for Rocket (Bradley Cooper). The result is disastrous. Rocket is critically wounded and the team must track down the people who made him in order to save their friend.
Will Peter pull himself together? Will Gamora rejoin the team? Is Kevin Bacon OK after that weird Christmas special?
Most moviegoers will know that writer/director James Gunn is leaving Marvel Studios to run the DC Cinematic Universe. And it appears that Gunn is leaving with both middle fingers in the air. Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 3 is upsetting, overstuffed, histrionic, and most unforgivably, sloppily written. The film feels like Gunn knew he wouldn’t get a chance to make another Guardians film, so he crammed 18 plots into a laborious 2.5-hour movie and ensured that whoever inherits this franchise has a Gordian knot of plots and characters to untangle moving forward. Guardians 3 is also notably the most depressing and dark iteration of this traditionally comedic series — so the good news is that Gunn seems ready to run the DC Universe!
Guardians maintains its customary PG-13, but Disney must have sent Mickey to personally wrestle the MPAA board to get that rating. While Gunn’s sensibilities have always trended toward dark humor and themes, most of it blithely went over the heads of younger viewers who just liked the funny grey man and Groot. This film, however, will clobber kids with scenes of animal torture and abuse, some viscerally unpleasant locales that look like David Cronenberg was hired to direct a Skittles commercial, and even an F-bomb. This feels less like a film and more like James Gunn burning a bridge and peeing on the ashes.
First, let’s let the raccoon out of the bag — this movie contains some extremely disturbing instances of animal torture and medical experimentation. It’s understandable, since we’re dealing with Rocket’s background, but the tonal shift between Mantis and Drax goofing around on a fetch quest and flashbacks to what could easily be a PETA exposé on animal testing are jarring. Gunn still knows how to write a great joke, but it’s hard to laugh at a wisecrack when you just watched a piteously sobbing mutilated animal get thrown into a crate by uncaring scientists. While Gunn’s willingness to take big emotional leaps often pays off, this movie falls short of the emotional gut punch that was the ending of Guardians 2. Here it feels like two very different movies were stitched together in the torture lab that made Rocket.
But the conflicting tone could have worked if the movie had been a bit less scatterbrained. The introduction of Adam Warlock is ham-fisted and his characterization is basically Drax but without the inherent warmth that Dave Bautista brings to his signature role. Warlock is an important figure in the Marvel universe but his function in this movie is essentially to introduce a fluffy critter that will likely be sold for $25 at the Disney Store by the time this review goes live.
Even the songs feel incoherent. While there was a touching reason for the music in Guardians 1 and 2, the music here feels…more like James Gunn’s personal Spotify playlist than a plot point. Peter’s mom would have never known who Florence + The Machine are, and the likelihood of goofball Peter downloading them seems iffy at best. Maybe Kevin Bacon hooked him up with some good tunes before he was returned to LA? The music still slaps, but the significance of it is barely there.
There’s also a love triangle introduced that no one wanted, even the actors judging by the performances. While Saldaña does get to play some interesting shades now that Gamora has changed, Gunn seems to have forgotten who she is entirely. “What kind of monster would destroy a whole civilization?” she says at one point, the movie and Gamora herself seemingly disregarding that her adopted father in all the universes we’ve seen was a genocidal madman. The movie also offers a moment that should have been a game-changer for one character but both how it was written and where it came in the story was so hoary that it made this reviewer mutter “OH COME ON!” while in the screening.
There’s also the problem of the main villain, who screeches through the film like he was afraid the microphones on set were malfunctioning. It’s a baffling performance that takes away from the poignance of Rocket’s backstory.
And while I’ve certainly spent the majority of this review nailing my 95 theses to James Gunn’s door, it’s not because I dislike him or the Guardians films. It’s because I hold the Guardians of the Galaxy to be some of the best films in the Marvel Universe. Gunn’s deft blending of humor and feelings (with a bit of gross-out aesthetic) is unique and utterly transporting when he’s on his game. We get flashes of it in this film: Cosmos the Dog has an excellent running gag, some of the banter is genuinely funny, and there are some inventive shots you wouldn’t typically see in Marvel films. But those bright points are all mired in too much plot and a tonal nightmare that feels like Les Miserables and the Sarah McLachlan SPCA commercials were put in a blender. We’ve come a long way from the goofy guy who sang “Come and Get Your Love” into an alien lizard while searching for treasure…and we may want to recalculate those directions.
In true Marvel tradition, there are two stinger scenes — one after the cast credits and one at the very end of the credits. There’s also a card assuring viewers that Starlord will return. At this point, that feels like a threat.
Verdict: Some truly upsetting sequences make this movie unsuitable for younger viewers, and some sloppy writing makes it frustrating for older ones.
Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 3 is rated PG-13 and available in theaters May 5.
