Five Nights at Freddy's
Plenty of fan service makes for a punishing watch for the uninitiated.
The best part of Five Nights at Freddy's is the work done by The Jim Henson Creature Shop.
Things are looking bleak for Mike (Josh Hutcherson). He can’t hold down a job, he’s struggling to raise his traumatized sister Abby (Piper Rubio), and every night he dreams about the kidnapping of his brother. It’s a lot for one man to cope with, but it’s about to get much worse.
When his aunt threatens to seize custody of Abby, Mike must find a job — any job — to prove he’s a responsible custodian. So he caves, taking a nightwatchman position at Freddy Fazbear’s Pizza, a relic arcade from the 80s that’s been closed for decades. Freddy’s used to be the place to go, with amazing animatronic creatures roaming the crowds, games, and entertainment. But when five kids went missing, the place shut down and now sits shuttered in a desolate lot.
It should be an easy gig for Mike. Sit in a room, watch the monitors, and keep people out. But there’s something odd about Freddy’s, and as Mike digs into the history of the place, he may regret taking the job.
Not since Vin Diesel mumble-growled the word family in a hackneyed car flick have I felt so checked out of a movie that I was sure would be a hit. Based on a popular video game franchise, Five Nights at Freddy’s is a barely coherent scary movie that will surely only appeal to those who love the games. If you’re unfortunate to go into this cold, the scariest bit of the film will be the realization that you have to sit through an hour and fifty minutes of this.
While the movie certainly tries to pack in the plot, it offers just enough detail to leave you confused. Mike’s aunt wants custody of Abby so she can collect the care checks from the state. But Mike, who is presumably getting those checks, is in the process of being evicted. How much money could those checks really be? Anything short of 7 figures would not be enough to put up with the intensely annoying Abby. The trauma Abby is suffering from is vague. Some days she’s non-verbal and obsessively drawing, other days she’s a sassy little sister who’s wise beyond her years. The movie doesn’t care, why should you? The plan of the animatronic animals is also vague. They want to kill people unless they don’t…sometimes they just want to have tickle parties.
At least the animatronic creatures look cool. The Jim Henson Creature Shop crafted the iconic videogame characters in a way that makes them feel tangible and threatening. In fact, the one part of the film that was crafted with care was the production design. Freddy Fazbear’s Pizza has the dingy, decrepit feel of an abandoned 80s children’s venue. Like a Chuck E. Cheese of the damned, Fazbender’s is a whirlwind of neon colors, tacky stained glass, and surfaces that look sticky. Director Emma Tammi enjoys exploring the place, and the moments inside the restaurant are the only time the film or director worries about atmosphere, tension, or interest.
As for the characters, well, let’s just hope everyone cashed the checks they desperately needed to take this job. Hutcherson seems embarrassed to be in the movie. Matthew Lillard chews some scenery. And Mary Stuart Masterson is clearly counting the seconds until she’s off camera. Because no one is interesting or likable, the endless naval gazing about Mike’s life and the world outside the restaurant is a total drag.
But the most outlandishly weird part of Five Nights at Freddy’s is how utterly unscary it is. Any chills rely solely on jump scares (the lowest-effort scare available in the horror genre), but even those are few and far between. The film seems to think the mere presence of the creatures is enough to be scary, but they’re downright cute compared to what Mickey Mouse looked like at Disneyland’s opening day. If you have a particularly timid child, this might be a good way to introduce them to horror. A hamster with a heart condition could easily make it through this flick.
Full disclosure: The fandom will be pleased. The screening at my theater was packed with people sporting Freddy t-shirts, wearing costumes, and clutching little plush demonic dolls. They clapped with glee, shouting out character names, and absolutely losing it when a cab driver pulled up. So, as a blatant fanservice cash-grab, Five Nights at Freddy’s is a resounding success. Part of me wondered (because there was plenty of time for the mind to wander during the ponderous scenes where the movie tried to make you care about Mike) if this is how my father felt when I dragged him to see Doom, but at least that movie had a kickass soundtrack.
But this reviewer thinks fans deserve more than a movie that expects them to clap like a seal when they recognize a reference. Movies should have plots, style, and heck, even a point would be nice. But if you’re a diehard fan of the videogames, there will be stuff you recognize. If you’re in the market for something scary, however, I recommend you go to a real Chuck E. Cheese and take a gander at the ball pit.
Verdict: The scariest part of the movie is the knowledge that anyone paid to see it.
Five Nights at Freddy’s is rated PG-13 and is available in theaters and streaming on Peacock October 27.
