Ranking John Carpenter’s Horror Films
No, Halloween isn’t #1, you can fight it out in the comments.
For a period in the 1980s, John Carpenter was a God. Then he got a few big-budget films, became less enchanted with studio movie making, and well… he seems happy collecting those Halloween franchise checks and doing his music thing, so that’s nice.
Though he hasn’t made a feature film in 12 years, his catalog is still impressive. So let’s take a look at the best and worst of his horror films, in honor of the Spooky Season.
Let’s be clear: We’re looking at John Carpenter’s horror-themed theatrically released movies for this ranking, so it’s got to be at least a little scary to warrant inclusion. And yes, Memoirs of the Invisible Man might be a horror to sit through, but it’s not making the ranking for these movies.
11. Ghosts of Mars (2001)
At the tail end of the 22nd century, Mars has been terraformed and society is at peace — mostly. Lt. Melanie Ballard (Natasha Henstridge) is assigned to a task force to transport notorious criminal Desolation Williams (Ice Cube) to the capital for trial. It would be a routine mission if there weren’t hordes of dead miners blocking her path. You see, the miners managed to open a creepy vault (note from the author: never open the creepy vault), and now Martian demon spirits are flitting around possessing people. If Ballard and Williams want to survive, they may need to team up.
This movie is like listening to a toddler describe Doom, but halfway through they forget what they’re talking about and describe Resident Evil instead. It’s confusing, it’s ugly to look at, and worst of all it’s a waste of a great cast. This movie has Jason Statham, Henstridge, Cube, Clea DuVall, and Pam Grier — Pam freakin’ Grier. But Carpenter was checked out of the moving-making business by the time he got to this mess of a movie. Long gone are the innovative shots and cool concepts that made him such a filmmaking force. Instead, we get Ice Cube giving us a low-energy Snake Plissken impression and Grier getting dispatched off-screen.
I can forgive many things, but I can’t forgive wasting Pam Grier.
Ghosts of Mars is rated R and available to stream on AMC+ or the Philo App.
10. Vampires (1998)
A group of vampire hunters is decimated when they accidentally wake up a Master Vampire. The team’s leader Jack Crow survives the encounter and vows revenge.
There is something inherently depressing about Vampires. As you can watch it, you get the sense that you’re watching Carpenter actively give up. There’s no panache in the filmmaking, the lighting is bad, and the story is cobbled together from a bunch of well-worn tropes. There’s also some astounding leaps of logic. It’s great the team hunts during the day, but are they honestly not prepared for retaliation at night?
Worst, Woods might be the worst example of Carpenter’s tough anti-hero type. He doesn’t work as a bruiser, the tough-guy lingo feels wholly silly when he speaks, and he can’t even make a leather jacket work. This isn’t so much a movie as it is a sign of Carpenter’s spiraling dissatisfaction with his own art.
Vampires is rated R and available to stream on Netflix.
9. The Ward (2010)
In 1966, Kristen (Amber Heard) is picked up by the police in front of a burning barn. She’s got no memory of what happened, so she’s brought to Coos Bay Psychiatric Hospital for treatment. There, she meets a group of women, all dealing with their own demons. But unorthodox psychiatric treatments are the least of Kristen’s problems. A horrifically disfigured entity lurks the halls of the hospital, killing the patients. Kristen and the other patients will have to band together if they want to survive.
An attempt was made. There’s a story, even a semblance of a metaphor to be found when looking at The Ward, but for Carpenter, it was possibly too little, too late. This movie is seemingly the nail in the coffin of his filmmaking career. He’s now happily pursuing music and seemingly finding fulfillment via his fans and other creative endeavors.
It’s sad, but at least he didn’t go out on Ghosts of Mars.
The Ward is rated R and is available to rent on YouTube or GooglePlay.
8. Village of the Damned (1995)
After a mass blackout in a sleepy coastal California town, 10 women wake up mysteriously pregnant. They all give birth on the same day to pale blonde children with blue eyes. But these kids aren’t just an oddity — they’re a danger. They possess strong psychic powers and no ability to empathize. They begin to destroy the town, one person at a time.
Honestly, the best version of the film is a two-minute gag in The Simpsons. But John Carpenter’s remake of 1960’s Village of the Damned is at least competent and fairly easy to consume. It’s a slick production, Universal Studios gave him plenty of money to play with, but the gritty satiric edge that makes most Carpenter films fun is missing. Still, the next time you talk to a creepy kid, maybe think of a brick wall…
Village of the Damned is rated R and available on Peacock.
7. Prince of Darkness (1987)
A priest calls Professor Howard Birack (Victor Wong) and his team of scientists to investigate a cylinder of neon green liquid found in the bowels of the church. As the team pours through papers, they realize the liquid might be the earthly form of Satan himself. Too bad the cylinder is leaking…
There’s some genuinely creepy stuff in The Prince of Darkness, but there are also some truly weird plot developments. If you’re not ready to reckon with Space Jesus or tachyon particle Satan, this probably isn’t for you. The movie would have made one hell of a Star Trek episode. But still, it’s John Carpenter lacing gnarly scares together, and that’s always worth a look.
Prince of Darkness is rated R and available via Peacock.
6. In the Mouth of Madness (1994)
When prolific author Sutter Cane (Jürgen Prochnow) goes missing, insurance investigator John Trent (Sam Neill) is put on the case. Following the clues to track down the notoriously reclusive author leads Trent to Hobb’s End, a small New England town that features prominently in Cane’s works. But there’s something wrong with the town of Hobb’s End, and as Trent starts digging, he risks scraping away at his own sanity.
Much like Prince of Darkness, if you’re not willing to just go with it, this movie might be a hard watch. A tribute to the works of H.P. Lovecraft, this movie is more vibes than story. Things change in the background. Camera angles seem wrong. As Trent unravels, so does the film itself. It’s truly a fascinating embodiment of Lovecraftian style — without all that horrendous racism! And while the effects have aged poorly (as 90% of computer-generated effects do), it’s still a pretty outstanding look at madness and horror storytelling tropes.
In the Mouth of Madness is rated R and available to rent/buy from your favorite VOD source.
5. The Fog (1980)
As Antonio Bay prepares to celebrate its 100th anniversary, a mysterious fog begins to roll inland. As the fog envelops the town, strange figures appear. These figures are decidedly unfriendly and start slaughtering the residents of Antonio Bay. What caused the fog? And is there any way to escape it?
This movie got a lot of flack from critics when it was released, but then again, so did number one on this list. The Fog isn’t a complicated story, but it is an effective one. Carpenter sets up some nice tension and some genuinely beautiful cinematography as he tells his tale of a town besiged. The best part of the film, however, is probably the ensemble, which includes Carpenter’s wife at the time Adrienne Barbeau, his most famous leading lady Jamie Lee Curtis, and Curtis’ acting legend mom, Janet Leigh. It’s a small film, but a spooky one. And a movie that’s been underrated for decades.
Just don’t get the 2005 version, trust me — it would be better to walk into the fog.
The Fog is rated R and available via MovieSphere.
4. Escape from New York (1981)
In the far future of…1988, New York City has become a maximum security penal colony from which there is no escape. The roads out are mined, the military will shoot anyone attempting to climb the walls, and violent gangs control different territories of the city. The government is fine with this until the President’s plane is hijacked and his escape pod lands him in the middle of Manhattan. Desperate to cover up the incident and save the president, the government calls in Snake Plissken (Kurt Russell), a former special forces soldier turned criminal to retrieve the president. To keep Snake, who’s become violently disillusioned about the government, on-mission, the government outfits him with an implant that will kill him in 22 hours.
No pressure.
John Carpenter has never had much hope for the future — and largely he’s been right about that. And this dystopian nightmare of a movie has a lot of themes that still hold true today, like government mistrust, the prison industry becoming its own powerful entity, and of course, eye patches always look cool on Kurt Russell. But the scariest part of Escape from New York, might just be how close we’re getting to this type of world. Like They Live, Carpenter has a nasty habit of predicting how American culture will mutate, and it’s almost never a pretty picture. Still, this movie is genuinely frightening and thrilling, and one of the best Kurt Russell performances on the books.
Escape From New York is rated R and available via MovieSphere.
3. Christine (1983)
Nerdy outcast Arnie (Keith Gordon) finds an outlet for his pent-up emotions when he finds a 1958 Plymoth Fury to restore. He names the car Christine. And as much as he loves that car, the car loves him too. In fact, Christine’s love might be a little too much for Arnie. The car decides that she’s going to be the only thing in Arnie’s life, and she’ll kill anyone that challenges her. Can Arnie break the spell Christine has on him before it’s too late?
Can’t everyone relate to loving their first car? Carpenter’s adaptation of Stephen King is both terrifying and full of fun campy kills. The best part of Christine might be how convincingly Carpenter animates the car. It never feels silly or cartoonish, Christine has a real personality and a legitimate menace. The film is also a great study in how people on the fringes of society can be corrupted easily. Arnie likes the attention that Christine earns him, and he’s willing to overlook little things like murder in order to keep it.
Christine is rated R and is available on AMC+ and the Philo App.
2. Halloween (1978)
Fifteen years after slaughtering his sister on Halloween night, Michael Myers escapes a mental institution and returns to his hometown of Haddonfield. There, Michael finds a neat mask and a new target: Laurie Strode (Jamie Lee Curtis). As Michael stalks the town, he’s chased by his former psychiatrist Dr. Loomis (Donald Pleasence). Can Dr. Loomis stop Michael before he gets to Laurie?
The quintessential slasher movie — yes, Black Christmas and Peeping Tom came first — Halloween is still the gold standard for what a “teens in peril” movie can be. So why isn’t it number 1? We’ll get to that. But first, let’s talk about what makes Halloween great. First, Curtis became a scream queen with this role, and it’s little wonder. Her Laurie is an excellent “final girl”, plucky, resourceful, and true. She’s the perfect foil for the threat she faces. And while poor Laurie hasn’t always gotten the best treatment in the Halloween franchise, there’s still a shot to right her legacy with the upcoming Halloween Ends.
But the real reason for the brilliance of Halloween is all thanks to its director. Using innovative POV shots and some truly brilliant lighting choices, Carpenter turns a safe suburban town into a haunted house. Carpenter also understood that the fear around Myers was about his inhumanity, not his humanity (something remakes like Rob Zombie’s dubious films gets spectacularly wrong). In the script, Myers is referred to as The Shape. He isn’t a person, he’s a killing machine. There’s not tragic reason, there’s no appealing to his better angels — if Michael Myers sees you, he’s going to kill you. The relentless nature of Myers is why he’s so frightening: Like death, he’s utterly inevitable.
Halloween is rated R and available via Fawsome.tv or AMC+.
The Thing (1982)
An American research station in Antarctica is thrown into chaos when members of a neighboring Norwegian team chase a sled dog onto their grounds. The Americans save the dog and watch in horror as the Norwegians die trying to kill it. Curious as to what went wrong with their neighbors, helicopter pilot MacReady (Kurt Russell) takes a team to investigate. What they find isn’t great — turns out the Norwegians discovered an alien ship and the entity aboard was still alive. The alien, capable of taking the form of any creature it kills, infiltrated and destroyed the Norwegian base, and is now loose in the American research station.
OK, but the dog was really cute…
Why is this number 1? Because not only is it Carpenter’s best movie, it’s one of the best films ever made. Yes, better than Titanic, and far more rewatchable than Citizen Kane. This film is also the perfect distillation of Carpenter’s career. It features a pessimistic outlook on humanity, a foreboding sense of the future, and some gnarly kills. One of the best examples of why practical effects always hold up over computer-generated fare, The Thing has some scenes that are still utterly terrifying. If you can watch the head-spider scene and not squirm…well, congratulations, you have a spine of steel. The Thing also has an excellent ensemble, featuring Russell, Keith David, and Wilford Brimley (yeah, the diabetes guy), who brilliantly play off each and prove that humanity is truly doomed.
If you haven’t seen The Thing, get yourself a copy immediately. It might make you suspicious of huskies, but really that’s a small price to pay.
The Thing is rated R and available to rent/buy via your favorite VOD service. But you should really just own a copy.
